I mention hormones as a major obstacle in weight loss, so it is only fair that I come clean with my own health.
Folks – this isn’t easy for me. This, putting myself out there for others to see. I am naturally introverted. Not shy, just overwhelmed easily be a lot of people. I tend towards having very few but deep friendships. That is what sustains me. Initially, I was not going to be open about my health issues, feeling it is too private. I have decided to change that, please be kind with my honesty and remember, it is not easy for me. It is time that I take the consequences of the decision to put myself out there for this walk and become a lot more transparent, so here it is.
Generally, my health is surprisingly good, considering my size, but there are a few issues.
I have struggled for much of my life with both depression and anxiety. I do not believe in medications, and the few times I have tried them I didn’t think it helped much. I have learned how to keep it under control much of the time though.
I also struggle some with social anxiety and a severe phobia of doctors – especially the MD variety.
The phobia of doctors have kept me from talking to them about several issues I have had with my periods over the years. In short my periods are irregular and exceedingly heavy. And I don’t mean a little bit heavy – I mean two or three fresh maxi pads every 20 minutes for the first two days of my flow. And I mean I have bled through those pads in 20 minutes.
As this walk has encouraged me to take control of my life in many different ways, I finally got my fat self to the doctor – the MD variety. I won’t go into details of the fear that put me in, and I definitely wished I had some type of medication in the house before going, but I did it. (MD’s tend to think I am on deaths door when they take my blood pressure in the clinic. My phobia sends my blood pressure through the roof. I know it isn’t bad though, because when I take it the super market it is fairly normal)
Not too surprisingly, there was a severe hormonal imbalance. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is it’s name. Not too surprisingly, this is an hormonal and metabolic disorder that causes obesity, and is also made worse by obesity. While this disease cannot be cured, it can be controlled with medications, exercise and a healthy life style. Also not too surprisingly, PCOS causes depression and anxiety.
Gee – now I wish I had gotten my fat self to the doctor before this. That is the issue with phobias.
I want to be really clear, none of these issues will prevent me from walking. The depression and anxiety is controlled with physical activity and the excitement of doing something like this. The introversion and social anxiety is already now, in my preparations getting a serious kick in the teeth. I can’t allow myself to hide. It is already now an challenge, but one I think I am meeting.
This is part of me empowering myself, and part of why I am asking for your support.