The last week or 10 days have been harder than I expected. Personal, emotional struggles have resurfaced. I have taken on all the doubts that I could do this that came to me from so many places, doubted myself to the core. This hasn’t been easier by the fact that the last 5 years I seemed to have had trouble finishing things, always doubting my abilities and my basic worth as a human being.
So, tonight, I decided to become even more honest. I WILL DO THIS WALK. I need to do it to save myself. But, I have had some really horrific struggles the last few years.
Struggles with suicide attempts, a sense of worthlessness, loss of important relationships, loneliness, extreme anxiety, grief, depression and trauma. All compounded by financial and job struggles.
The last two weeks I was hit again by the extreme crying spells, and am behind in some of the things I need to get done before departure, but still very determined to get going on time. If anyone wants to give me a hand as I pack up my life please let me know.
I just upped the stakes with honesty. My struggles will start to be made public. It is what I need to do to help myself. I pray for kindness from those who read it.